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Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
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11:46 pm - hello!
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In March I moved out on my own. I am living in a very pretty studio apartment with hardwood floors, high ceilings, a full bath with 1940s green tile, 4 closets!!!!, a built in bookcase, two big street trees outside my windows...in one of the prettiest neighborhoods in Philadelphia. If I could only express how lucky I am to have found this apartment!
The journey here was a dark one, I readily admit. I needed lots of down time the past few months to return to my own sense of comfort and stability.
I have been working a lot with the Tarot of the Crone. It's a very hard-hitting deck but also a great support when you really want to be clear.
I asked the Crone what was coming up for me and what I needed to focus on. Love was in my consciousness at the time, not so much romantic love as love in general, all the various types of love in my life, that includes all you peeps on lj.
The Crone deck is an interesting one. It is Tarot certainly but it has its own feeling, far beyond the scope of the Rider-Waite-Smith. It's more conceptual and also to me, more spiritual. The companion book contains poems meant to be read with the card and looked at together for interpretation.
Six of Wands~Radiance
Perhaps it's all the Georgia O'Keefe paintings I first became enamoured with as a teen, but is that flower not a sexy one? http://www.croneways.com/wand6.html
Here's the accompanying poem:
I found the Heart
The Source of the Sun
Closer within than without.
I am going to visit the Rider-Waite-Smith for a moment. The traditional interpretation would be leadership or victory. The card features the warrior returning from battle banners aloft. I often ask clients: "How can you be a leader in your own life?". The Crone approaches the question differently, perhaps: "How can you radiate your strengths, your passions?". The Wands suit never forgets passion. It is the root of our will. Knowing a bit about plants is useful here because I think this is star anise and the black shape (if not a vaginal opening) is a seedpod. Very simply, it's what's inside and what is protected. The Heart and the Source in the poem are what bears fruit, what brings the capacity for growth and potential.
The idea that I was thinking of love in my life is clear looking at the card. It's very much alive, fertile. It's lush and full of promise. Star anise is spicy too. As a pleasant and auspicious aside, I made Indian food for dinner. I am sure there is a bit of star anise in the spice blend I added. The Tarot comforts as well as amuses.
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| Thursday, December 13th, 2007
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10:52 pm - Alethiometer reading or how to use a movie site to tell the truth
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After seeing the movie The Golden Compass this week, I decided to explore the movie webpage. http://www.goldencompassmovie.com/ The character Lyra is given a Golden Compass, also known as an alethiometer, a device which tells the truth. I've been fascinated with Lyra's journey and her ability to decipher the symbols around the wheel of the compass. She's a young girl on the verge of coming of age. Seeing her read the alethiometer reminded me of my own experience working with Tarot at approximately her age.
I've found a way to co-opt the web site and use the Alethiometer for divination. It's make-shift, but it's completely workable with basic knowledge about symbols. Simply going with a natural response to the symbol the black arrow settles on works just as well. The site will offer a few keywords, but the main importance is to let yourself respond to the symbol from a neutral place and let it speak to you
Hold the question in your mind and point the red arrows to three symbols that you think approach the heart of what you want to know.
My question was: How can I release some of the feelings that are weighing upon me so I can move forward?
I pointed the red arrows to:
The Candle: learning, faith, fire...To me, this candle represents energy and illumination.
The Cornucopia: hospitality, wealth, Autumn...I see the cornucopia as comfort, celebration, nurturing and sustanence.
Bird: the soul, marriage, spring...I think of birds as freedom, lightness of being, movement, change, and messages. I also think of songbirds as beauty because of their vocality.
I clicked the question button.
Here's where it gets makeshift. The Compass will move to the side and allow you to look at downloads. That's the purpose of the Alethiometer section as far as movie promoters are concerned. I have different intentions here. I clicked on the Compass to close off the downloads. Then, it is clear where the black arrow fell. That's the answer.
In order to make the image appear larger on the side of the screen, line up one of the red arrows with the black arrow. You will lose the image of whatever the red arrow was first pointed at during your question and it will show the image of your answer. It's not a perfect way, but it's still useful.
Here's what I ended up with:
The Crescent: the uncanny, chastity, mystery...The first thing I noticed is a waning crescent is pictured. It tells me the release is underway, but not yet complete. I can recognize my own attemps to rush the cycle, find my footing and move on. It's simply not the way right now. It's a process, a quiet one and in some respects an immersion in darkness before the next cycle becomes clear. Part of me has wanted to be logical and handle things from the perspective of what needs to be done. It's left me weary.
I think when I was writing a letter this afternoon, I hit on the essence of it all. I talked about how my focus for the rest of the month was going to be on simple pleasures and to let the bigger issues work themselves out in their own time.
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| Monday, December 10th, 2007
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1:25 am - Perfect!
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In 2008,  tarotbydiana resolves to... Buy new postcards.
Get back in contact with some old grimoires.
Eat more essential oils.
Give some crystal spheres to charity.
Learn to play the handmade.
Spend less time on fey.
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1:18 am - I did this last year and it's still fun!
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On the twelfth day of Christmas, tarotbydiana sent to me... Twelve candles drumming Eleven cemetaries piping Ten beads a-leaping Nine bees dancing Eight trees a-chanting Seven cards a-reading Six omens a-healing Five bu-u-u-ulb flowers Four wild horses Three crystal spheres Two lunar cycles ...and a soap in a positive energy. |
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| Sunday, December 9th, 2007
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2:03 am - even in the silliest of quizzes, I never waver
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| Sunday, December 2nd, 2007
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7:26 pm - Doin' it up right.
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Currently, I am trying to live carefully. I am avoiding any breath of confrontation. Much of what I need to do won't be able to happen until after January 1st. At longest, I'll be in this house for three more months. It doesn't sound like a long time unless you are me. There are hours that descend like an ice storm and others that seem on the surface that little is wrong, little flashes of normalcy. Internally, I am roiling.
I asked of the Tarot. What can I do to get through these times?
We're still on the Victoria Romantic. Three of Pentacles. http://www.victorianromantic.com/Pentacles.htm
This is my second Three recently. The Three of Pentacles sets the foundation. Here the craftsman is working in wood while two children look on. The Pentacles suit is earthy and I, like the gentlemen pictured, would benefit from getting out of my head and letting my focus shift to what is tangible and practical. The three is also about work being observed, how the community perceives the artist. It's shows learning, hence the boy and girl standing around looking rapt as they take in information. The Three also begins the stability of the Pentacles suit. The Ace is possibility. The two is up in the air. The three is down to earth.
What does this mean for me? Make bath tarts. I actually took a break from the blissfully scented kitchen to come in here and post. Making bath products at the moment will help me financially as well, but what is most important to me is to have an outlet. It's no fun feeling defined by a relationship that's a disaster area. It's one thing I can do besides writing letters where I feel totally present. I'm dropping off an order tomorrow so I better return to work.
I will also add that the scene depicts the holidays. I'm going into the season headstrong that I will do my best to enjoy it. I honestly love wrapping gifts!
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| Saturday, December 1st, 2007
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12:41 am - Interesting...
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Charlie and I had a talk a couple nights ago and he has come around to looking at housing in an area near where I read Tarot on Thursdays and set a moving date for March 1st. Here's the problem: I really don't want to live with him anymore. I feel the stress of finances is really interrupting his judgement. To me I regard money issues as being temporary and capable of being resolved. How I handle problems is by looking at what needs to be accomplished and after that immersing myself in all the simple pleasures and joys I find compelling. I try to do what makes me feel best.
In that regard I asked the Tarot what I should focus on that would make me feel the most comfortable and happy with the situation I am in.
What an answer: The Tower from the Victorian Romantic Tarot. http://www.victorianromantic.com/Majors3.htm
I found this puzzling at first. The image shows two sailors clinging to the mast of a boat after the ship has been wrecked at sea. They look barely alive. Eight years of Catholic school won't let me miss the visual reference of a wooden cross.
We know the Tower is disruption and a breaking away from constraints. Let's go with the picture. Firstly, I love the ocean. I think of it as a powerful creative force. I am composed of water yet water has the power to destroy me. I am literally thinking of drowing but that can be taken symbolically as being beset by emotions or feeling dragged into the depths.
The ship is gone. There is no structure. What remains are the two battered figures. Gee, these two make the people flying off the side of the RWS Tower positively cute in comparison.
Why should any of this make me happy?
The people in the card are battling the elements, fatigue, thirst, exhaustion and they are still making it. They are pretty much down to their essence and they are still striving. They don't fall apart and neither do I. It's just a fact. Here I am typing.
I have an unusual relationship with change. I am seriously okay with it. I think stagnation is the most terrifying thing to me. I'm good on change, good on death, but stagnation depresses me. That's probably why the Tower is appearing as my happy card at the moment. It's telling me that what I will be left with is myself at a cellular level. It's gratifying information because I was feeling like the joy of being my own person was slipping.
Time to get biblical. The cross is both struggle and redemption. It's funny because I had been thinking back to interests I had when I was thirteen that I still have, the core self forming, how I have grown, who I am etc. The image of the cross would have resonated with me more because I was involved with Christianity at that point in my life. There's such a hodgepodge of spiritual imagery to me in the card. With the whorling ocean, the Goddess as creator/destroyer comes to mind as does the Virgin Mary always in blue, of the sea. The Tower takes me back to the beginning.
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| Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
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2:33 pm - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here
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Firstly, my apologies for being absent from the realm of livejournal. I think I hit a point of max capacity in regards to what I could handle and keep up with. In October, my beloved cat Moon was discovered to have cancer and despite surgery to remove a mammary tumor, we couldn't save her. The cancer spread to an area near her spine and sadly we had to have her put to sleep. She was 12.
November has been equally challenging emotionally. Charlie and I had talked about moving out of the city to Lambertville or New Hope in the early spring. This would put me near a variety of places where I could work, beautiful scenery, a miles long walking path by a canal filled with ducks, French white geese, and swans. There is a yoga studio and a couple of fabulous coffee shops where I feel comfortable. It would be a compromise between living in the city and him having a more comfortable commute.
Last week, he told me he was giving notice to the landlord either at the end of this month or next and he was going to be looking at apartments near train lines in New Jersey. The last time we took the car in the mechanic told us he was giving the car a patch job, it would never pass inspection (next August) and to drive it until it dies or until it was no longer legally possible. Do I need to decribe to you what apartments near train lines in NJ are like? This past weekend he didn't bring anything up again. After the first conversation I was hysterical. Yesterday he mentioned to me at a coffee house (after I had finished a reading) that he was looking at an apartment in Trenton. I can't express how rattling it was to be out in public and have this said to me. I'm not being given options like I am part of a couple. I am being told he is looking at living in Trenton or in a few New Jersey towns near where I grew up. Living in a place like that without a car no less would be my own personal definition of being trapped in a waking nightmare. I wouldn't be able to read Tarot there and I would be regarded as a social outcast just by the nature of dressing artfully. It's a grim life and one I wouldn't want to share.
I'm being put in a terrible position I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It's incredibly stressful and unsettling. I'm going to do my best to create financial independence for myself but how hard it is to all that is required under such pressure and emotional strain. I am going to wait for the end of the month before thinking about looking for housing locally because I need a confirmation of whether or not he is giving notice.
I asked the Tarot about what I should do for my own self today, how to think about the situation, what will help make things easier for me...
Three of Wands from the Victorian Romantic Tarot: http://www.victorianromantic.com/Wands.htm
I couldn't ask for a more perfect card. The Wands are of course the suit of the will, the suit of fire, and action. The Three has a bit more patience than the rest of the suit. There is the idea of knowing that planning and preparation will lead to something fruitful. The presence of the ships in the Rider-Waite-Smith is replaced here by swans. The figure is standing alone watching the swans and holding a lyre allowing himself to be inspired by them. Swans appearing is interesting for personally as they are a totem. It hasn't escaped me that they mate for life and the solitary figure is standing by separate but aware that such couplings do exist but that he (like me) is not a direct part of them at the moment. Perhaps like this figure I am not so much waiting for ships to come in, but my swans. Actually I would be okay with one swan.
I also can't deny the usefulness of the book which claims the figure of the man is the god Apollo. Well then, how auspicious indeed! Tonight I make more bath tarts as I am recently back in production. I am going back to promoting my first collection after a long absence. It's based on the Oracle of Delphi and she does commune with Apollo.
Something also must be said for the nature of community with the Threes. Though the figure stands alone, the work that is accomplished and the planning it entails occurs out in the world. So here I am talking to y'all.
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| Monday, October 8th, 2007
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11:32 pm - It's a boy! Naming and health updates.
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We took the new kitty to the vet on Saturday afternoon. Even the vet thought the kitty was a girl until she checked. We have a neutered male. I came up with the name Fortune from the Tarot: Wheel of Fortune. I believe he had a good home until he was tossed out onto the street. He has a really sweet temperment and he's not hand shy (typically a sign of abuse in animals). Since the Wheel of Fortune deals with changes in life, and new cycles emerging, it felt like an appropriate name for him. One of the ladies on the Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab forum got me thinking about The Wheel of Fortune when she suggested naming him Autumn. My mind visualized the changing of the seasons and went forward to the Wheel of the Year.
The vet was really troubled by how bad his flea infestation was. She said that he had enough fleas on him to kill a kitten. If he weren't an adult he would have likely died. Right now he has anemia from the blood loss. The red fluid on his hind legs I thought was from an attack was actually his own blood after it had been digested and excreted by the fleas. I must have combed about 150 from the top of his left leg. The vet gave him a treatment that killed the adult fleas starting in a half hour and another that took care of internal parasitic worms.
He weighed in at 8 lbs. I can't even stress how thin this is. At minimum for his frame, he should be 12 lbs. That would be on the low side. More on target would be 16 lbs. Fortune is so weak he was having trouble raising his head to eat. I've been feeding him small portions four times a day to make sure he's eating consistently. It's going to be hard to tell what breed he is until he's filled out a little. He is either a flame point Balinese (basically a medium long-haired Siamese) or a ragdoll. I read that the ragdoll breed is so non-aggressive that they often don't fight or hunt even if they are outside. Every site that mentions ragdolls cautions to keep them indoors. Balinese cats aren't exactly known for their fighting skills either.
Charlie and I gave Fortune a bath last night, which was much needed but not appreciated at the time. He struggling but didn't try to claw us at all. He limply paddled the air. Charlie held him while I soaped him down and rinsed him with pitchers of warm water. I was able to clean off the dead fleas and the street dirt. His disposition seems so much brighter since the bath.
Now that Fortune's feeling a little better, he's trying out the bathtub as a new sleeping place. He was watching me through the open space at the end of the shower curtain. He seemed happy when I approached him to pet him until I moved the shower curtain along the rail. He hissed at it. He's non-aggressive except toward the brutal shower curtain.
I asked how to be a good mama to Fortune.
http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/tarottour3/tour49.html
Mel returns. I'm supposed to protect Fortune and keep him safe. It's interesting this card has come back to me. Protecting animals is something I feel passionate about. One of the few things that really gets me angry is injustice. I have Mars in Libra. As much as I love and value the presence of the new kitty in my life, I am infuriated with the man who put him and his sibling on the street. While I am not going to act towards him like Fortune did towards the shower curtain, I'll admit it's probably best I don't have the power to levitate his house and drop it in a hell dimension. I am certainly in touch with both my love and my anger here as the King of Fire. I honestly wish I could have helped Fortune's sibling too. Maybe that is just not my fight. The King of Fire is more focused on the future than the past. Fire moves forward. Kitty has flame point markings too!
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| Friday, October 5th, 2007
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10:23 am - Name that kitty!
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I'm trying to think of a name for the rescued cat. While I like "Owl", because she reminds me of a barn owl, she does have blue eyes. I wonder if I should save the name for an amber eyed cat.
I'm still not entirely sure if she's female, but her behaviour is more in keeping with my female cats than the males, though that doesn't mean much.
Anybody have name suggestions? Male, female, and gender neutral names would be great.
It looks like she has light creamy fur with beige markings on her ears, nose and tail, but she's very dirty so that might change. She looks like a pure bred.
The other cats in the household are named
Perth (all black male, from a rune or letter in a Norse alphabet meaning mystery or luck)
Moon (rescued on the night of a full Moon, all white female)
Potion (all black female, tiny, rescued around Halloween)
and Bee (Charlie's cat from a shelter. He came with the name Toby and Charlie kept it initially, but we later changed it to Bee, which he answers to and we all like better. He's black and white).
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| Thursday, October 4th, 2007
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11:36 pm - Sucker! continued...
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We have adopted a stray cat, but not the one known as Branwen. I am pretty certain this is her sibling, which was tossed on the street at the same time. I only saw this cat a couple of times from a distance. I am unsure of the gender right now but I am going to use "she" until I can get a vet confirmation or can get close enough to her tail end to verify. She's been attacked and her tail is bloody so she's been keeping it low.
My neighbor was saying there have been a couple people on the block trying to capture one cat of the pair depending on who was in view that day. This brought me some relief because Branwen is the more outwardly friendly of the two and probably the easiest to catch. I am glad there were other people on my block I hadn't met yet or talked with who have a similar love of animals. I really think Branwen is safe with another family. I think the white cat the little girl saw hiding under a car was this one.
Despite being filthy, bloody and infested with fleas, she is beautiful. She has bright blue eyes. It looks like she has beige tipped ears, nose, and tail with a very light cream body. It's hard to tell her coloring because she is so dirty from the street. I think she might be a pure bred. She is definitely not a feral cat!
It took about forty five minutes to coax her out from underneath a car. Charlie kept going back and forth to the house bringing items: dry cat food, water, a cat carrier and finally, goat cheese. Much of that time I spent kneeling in leaf piles along the street and the curb with my head tipped at an odd angle pleading with her to come out from behind the back tire.
The street was mayhem. Cars were driving by with their headlights blaring. Neighbors would walk outside and inquire loudly as to what I was doing. Although they were being supportive, one in particular had a voice so shrill it made me want to hide under the car myself. Basketball players stomped by dribbling and rapping simultaneously. The neighbor in front of the cat's security tire decided it was the perfect time to load stereo equipment into a cab. You bet the cabbie honked and called out "Yo!" even though he was outside sitting on a giant speaker. Thankfully, goat cheese is the universal elixer. I was able to get the cat to stick her head out from under the car and eat goat cheese off a plastic yogurt lid. We improvised outdoor dining accessories.
Goat cheese brought it's own chaos because it lured out a calico cat who decided to maneuver it's way onto the guest list for water and cheese. I had to shoo away the calico, a neighborhood house cat, to lure the white cat in the midst of all the other happenings. Charlie stood on the street wearing garden gloves to protect his hands from impending rescue maneuvers and pleaded with me uselessly that we didn't need another cat. I was trying to make the cat feel safe while bickering with Charlie. The calico took advantage of my moments of lapsed vigilance and would try to edge the white cat out and head in for a cheese sample. The calico inadvertently helped me wrangle the white cat by shifting her a few feet from the car. I commandeered the garden gloves from Charlie and caught her and she bucked her way into the cat carrier.
Charlie went into the house and pulled everything out of the bathroom so we could begin her quaranteen until after the vet appointment. I sat on the front steps and talked to her through the grate of the carrier and fed her goat cheese off my fingers. Crying at the window, my black cat Perth vented his separation anxiety. A neighborhood black cat decided to see what was so exciting and jumped on top of one of Charlie's sculptures on the porch and peered in at Perth. Our white cat Moon jumped in the window to communicate with the outdoor cat. My next door neighbor came by nosily to gather gossip about what all these cats were doing. The outdoor black cat decided to put himself between me and my neighbor and head butt my hand. I fed him goat cheese in gratitude. After being pet and given a treat, the black cat went back to haunting the block. This cat had never been near me before.
My new cream colored cat is asleep in the bathroom. So far, her name is Owl. We'll see how she takes to it.
I decided to ask the Tarot if I did the right thing in taking in Owl and if she'd be happy here.
http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/tarottour4/tour63.html
The King of Water makes so much sense. In dealing with a rescue animal, one has to be emotionally present but maintain detachment at the same time. If I let myself dwell on how much she must have suffered on the street, it would only bring me anguish. I need my own heart to be open to offer love and help Owl heal. I also feel she'll be a good match for me as a companion and I to her.
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| Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
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8:00 pm - Branwen update
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After interrogating the neighborhood children, I discovered Branwen is alive! A little girl from a block away spotted her yesterday on her way home from school on my street darting under a car. Then she disappeared into an the alley behind the house of the horrible people who formerly took care of her. I will add that I don't think she's much over a year old and they probably tossed her out once the novelty of her kittenhood wore off.
I've gotten more aggressive with calling to her now that I know she is still around. Charlie looked under all the cars on our street. I stood on the side of the house where the horrible people live and beckoned "pssst! pssst! pssst!" and "come here little kitty" as loud as my voice could be and still sound tender. I managed to alert every house cat and stray in the neighborhood. A black cat heeded my entreaty and crossed the street in curiousity. Every other front window on the block had a cat in it and they were all meowing. It looked like an enchantment.
I met another neighbor who lives catty corner to the horrible people and he told me he is out on his front porch a lot: "You see, I really like smoking." I am glad his addiction could possibly save a life. He took our phone number.
I am thinking if I don't have her in hand by the weekend, I am going to go visit the children on the next block, hold up a twenty and tell them that whoever can deliver the white cat to my door gets the twenty. It will encourage their competitive natures. All they do all day, every day, all year long, is play football in the street. Hello, Philadelphia. From my memory of childhood, I liked it when adults would wave (small) bills at me in response to some type of good behavior. I'm not sure if it so much encouraged good values by a reward system as much as it made me realize I would be able to make children perform such tasks when I got older.
What I learned today: Cigarettes and capitalism helps stray cats.
Very interesting card for the day: http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/tarottour4/tour51.html
The Two of Water/Cups can embody more than romantic love and extend into other areas of emotional connection. The card is about the beginnings of coming together. Today it could relate to my bond with Charlie. Even he wants to rescue the cat and is now completely joined with me in common purpose and feeling. It can also relate to my relationship with Branwen. Part of the story of Branwen in the Mabinogian centers around a cauldron. What is a cauldron, but a chalice?
I have to admit talking to the little girl today opened my heart tremendously. When I understood that Branwen is close by and alive, it shook away the guilt I felt for not rescuing her Friday night. Very simply, there is hope. Please keep all your positive thoughts coming. I truly appreciate it. I know it's helping.
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| Saturday, September 22nd, 2007
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10:59 pm - worried about the kitty
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I was hoping to collect Branwen from the street today and take her to the vet for vaccinations, feline leukemia & feline AIDS tests, de-worming medicine, anti-flea treatment, and possible ear mite cleaning. I hope it's clear why I didn't want to bring her in the house directly from the pavement especially having the health and safety of the other cats already under my care.
I fed her last night around 9:30 p.m. I woke up this morning and it was raining so she was no where to be found. I looked under all the cars on the block. I went outside every couple of hours to check and see if she had returned to no avail. All of the food was gone and so was she. I am hoping she found a place to hide and decided to sleep away the day.
I talked with one of the neighbors this morning and now the entire block knows I want to rescue the cat. When Charlie and I went out tonight a different group of neighbors yelled across the street to us that they hadn't seen the cat today and they were on the lookout for us.
I received the full story today from the neighbor across the street from where Branwen has been hanging out. Her former owner threw her out of the house and the little white cat has been keeping vigil on the pavement. When confronted by the neighbor, he told her he couldn't afford to feed the cat anymore. Don't even get me started! She also told me that other neighborhood cats have been bullying Branwen and she tries to get away but they attack her. I can't even express how guilty I feel for not bringing her indoors last night! We do have a back up plan which is to isolate her in the bathroom with food, water, and a litter box until we can get her to the vet for all the needed treatments. I'll have to pull out all the towels and mats and the fabric shower curtain to avoid infestation as I am pretty sure she has fleas. Potion did too when we brought her home and we were very careful and didn't have any problems. It's certainly not ideal, but I'm willing to do whatever is necessary to keep this cat safe.
I asked if I would be able to bring Branwen home.
http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/tarottour3/tour47.html
In light of the card, I am going to request that anyone who reads this would say a prayer or simply think positive thoughts that Branwen is safe and I can find her very soon.
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| Friday, September 21st, 2007
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9:03 pm - Sucker!
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The people at the end of the block put their two cats outside permanently. I don't think they've been feeding them. I started seeing two white cats around the street a couple weeks ago. Now there's only one. She sleeps on top of trash in a patch of weeds that have busted through the broken pavement. When I've been walking to the coffee shop, she jumps up and meows at me and rubs against my ankles, purrs and cries at the same time. When I reach down to pet her, she looks up at my face and opens her mouth a little and curls the corners up just the way my cat Moon does. Then she follows me up the street prancing behind me. I try not to turn and look but my resolve fades in less than a minute. She's always there and she's always staring.
I've been telling Charlie about her and he's been dismissive. Today we parked the car and she ran out from underneath the car in front of us and started circling around Charlie and meowing. I called to her and she came right to me and seemed very excited to see me return to the street a couple hours after I left. She greeted me the way my cats do when I come to the front door. Then she ran up to Charlie and orbited around him while he was walking and cried for attention. I pet her again on the pavement and she sat on the sidewalk and watched as I walked into the house. She looked so hopeful. Charlie shut the door and closed the blinds.
I told him he was heartless. After dinner he suggested I put some food in my purse and walk it to her spot tomorrow because he doesn't think I should feed her in front of the house. (I'm winning.)
She's so filthy she looks light grey. I can feel her bones when I pet her. She has fleas and may need to be de-wormed.
I've named her Branwen.
Yep, this is what I do. I imagine in a week or two we'll have another cat in residence. I think she'll cooperate with me in making herself seem so pathetic that Charlie can't take it any more. Maybe I should just go ahead and make the vet appointment for next Saturday to make everything more convenient.
I asked if Branwen would be a good cat for me.
http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/tarottour3/tour49.html
Oh, this is really amazing. In the myth of Branwen, she is rescued by her brother Bran who is a warrior king. Branwen is being mistreated by her husband and his clan and once she sends word that she needs protection, he come to her aid. I guess in this sense I am The King of Fire (or Mel Gibson).
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| Saturday, September 15th, 2007
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1:33 pm - local excitement
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I have very good news that will affect the quality of my daily life. Sounds dramatic? It is...sort of. A coffee shop run by people I genuinely like and respect is opening within a relatively close distance to the house. It's about a twenty minute walk for me, maybe twenty-five depending on my shoes. We clocked the distance while driving and it's just about a mile and half, which is nothing. Initially when I moved in there was a coffee shop a five minute walk from the house that closed the week I arrived. I have been feeling stranded.
I could go on and on about the bus situation around here and why it's prohibitive. I would have to wait next to a highway. The bus route begins at the stop...which is great if I want to go somewhere at 6:30 a.m. but the later it moves into the afternoon, the longer the wait is and the more unreliable transportation becomes. The stop is also between two very different neighborhoods. The whole thing is just not my idea of a way to spend my time. A taxi ride would be about $15 one way. How we have gotten around this is to have Charlie drop me at a favorite coffee shop in my former neighborhood on his way to work and picks me up at the end of the day. That means I get dropped off at 7 a.m. once a week and picked up at 6 p.m. Typically I meet a friend for lunch or go to the park, run errands, do some shopping, meet a client, get my mail... I also have my computer with me and a book. It's been a viable solution but I essentially crammed my every day city activities into one day, which though pleasurable, was exhausting
Having a coffee shop within a twenty minute walk is perfect. It will get me half way to where I would be dropped off usually so I can ping pong along my walking route and Charlie could pick me up anywhere on his way back from work. The one caveat is I don't think I would be entirely comfortable bringng a computer out with me, but it might honestly be refreshing not to have it. I haven't been writing since I've moved in. I love to write in coffee shops on tiny pieces of paper. I like the refill pages of a filo-fax because I feel like small pieces of paper equal less pressure. They are filled up quickly and they can be moved around so I can adjust the chronology if I want to.
I'll be going on Monday for the first time and I will report back with my experience.
I asked the Tarot: How will having a new coffee shop change my way of life: I pulled the Knight of Wands from the Victorian Romantic Tarot. http://www.victorianromantic.com/Courts1.htm/
How literal! The Knights typically denote a journey and yes, I will be walking. The Wands Knight has the most vitality and charisma of the four Knights. To me, this suggests a renewal of energy coupled with a willfullness to set out into life and see what is possible. The wands suit also brings passion and I feel for me this means rekindling some of my interests and independence.
Looking at the card the woman is carrying roses, my favorite flower, in the folds of her dress. Interesting placement too. They are gathered at the root chakra area. Thinking back to how sick I was earlier in the summer I can't help but see that as a chakra alignment. What does the root chakra deal with? Security. It makes sense because of how my home and my places of work were disrupted (in a Tower sense) this year. I felt I had lost my base, my community. The root chakra can also deal with passion which brings us back to the Knight of Wands who says journey outside yourself to ignite your passions in life. Well, you would think I would get a cups card dealing with beverages as another possible literal interpretation. It's good to keep in mind that wands is the fire suit and coffee is a hot beverage. ;)
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| Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
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6:35 pm - theater festival, garden, pic nic in an old cemetery
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This weekend begins on of my favorite annual Philadelphia events: http://www.phillyfringe.org/2007/home.cfm The Phillly Fringe/Live Arts Festival.
Saturday night we went to see BATCH: An American Bachelor/ette Party Spectacle by http://www.newparadiselaboratories.org/home.asp New Paradise Laboratories. The piece examined the rituals associated with pre-wedding festivities with the theater company's trademark humor and discomforting eroticism. While I really enjoy seeing more classic plays performed, there is something to be said for watching a collaborative piece that is wholly experimental. It has a different energy than say, Shakespeare, which I also enjoy.
We went to a late showing on Sunday night of Flamingo/Winnebago by http://luciditysuitcase.org Thaddeus Phillips. It was a play about a road trip with two central characters. An Indian man in a Winnebago escapes his predictable life as a gas station owner in Northern NJ while an American born man employs various forms of transportation to find his way to Las Vegas. He searches for remnants of family history settled around a hotel with a pink flamingo. While this one was certainly more of a crowd pleaser (we all were asked to sport 3D glasses during a sequence), the whimsy and humor had substance. We still have a couple more shows left to see over the next two weekends and I'm excited.
Saturday afternoon, Charlie took me to an old cemetery that is about a twenty minute walk from the house. We brought a blanket, ate smoked tofu sandwiches with heirloom tomatoes, micro greens, avocado, and monteray jack cheese on grainy bread. For dessert: black cherries! Charlie read the New York Times and I was entertained by a fiction book about the real life coutesan Emma Hamilton. It was like we were sitting in our own backyard although we don't technically have one and if we did it would most likely not be an old cemetery. ;) What is nice for me is now that I know it's there I can bring a book and hang out on my days off.
Yesterday, for the holiday we went to http://www.longwoodgardens.org Longwood Gardens. It's really worth brousing through the pictures on the site. I was pleased the rose garden was still bright and perfumed so I could frolick about sticking my face in flowers. I was able to have a bowl of their famous Chester County Mushroom soup, which is filled with locally grown mushrooms and seasoned with tarragon. It's worth the hour drive for the soup alone. I was happy to see the bee population so lively. There was a particular grouping of flowers that was literally thrumming with the movement of bees and butterflies. The fountains were spectacular. There were horn players setting up in various sections of the garden playing patriotic standards to a cluster of smiling onlookers. We managed to avoid all contact. I walked off the path barefoot under a cluster of willow trees and rediscovered a small pond that had the most adorable grouping of snails with purple shells. There was a chatty, yet elusive, frog that we only heard but could not see.
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| Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007
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3:08 pm - back from the Hermitage (post where I introduce being a bridesmaid)
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I don't know what it is about summer, but I am not one with journaling. Maybe I prefer watching baby animals grow up in lieu of personal introspection. The temporarily cool weather recently is making me want to be one with my typing self and I got a couple nudges to return to lj. Voici! I am present.
The past couple of weeks have been a tornado of activity. I really wanted to be a part of my friend Erin's wedding in Maine. For those outside the US, Maine is about a nine hour drive from Philadelphia. With the Atelier where Charlie works changing its non-profit status and benefits being reformatted, we didn't know until two weeks before the date if he would qualify for vacation time that week. He had to make special arrangements since he was on the cusp of vacation status becoming available. I was struggling finding a dress. We needed a cat sitter to come into our home and watch our four cats. We also had an excess of tidying and rearranging to do before the house would be welcoming. The only thing I had two weeks before the wedding was a lovely present: a blue hand embroidered Indian wedding shawl that could be worn or elegantly draped over a piece of furniture. It's a modern heirloom piece and a fantastic find. If I didn't love the bride so much, I would have been tempted to keep it. I am thankful for chelsearoad coming along on that excursion and convincing me for certain it was as perfect as I knew it was.
Two Sundays ago, we managed to get everything together. We found a cat sitter through the yoga studio where I work on second saturdays. Charlie's vacation time was approved the week before our departure. I tracked down a dress in a wine shade at Macy's the day before we left. It was absurd. I found it the maternity department (I am decidedly not pregnant) on clearance for $14.99. It's a slinky fabric that would have been very clingy on a woman with child but had a flattering empire cut and an elegant swish on me. I found a square cloissonne framed pin with a plum colored glass center to replace the bow under the bustline. I let the fabric from what would have been the bow stream from the pin. The pin looked like it came with the dress. I found glass earrings with lovebirds on them and from the glass circle there are three faceted garnet drops. I have a really lovely piece of treated amethyst that looks metallic purple, set in silver, which I wore as a necklace. The bride wanted us to wear beaded flip flops since she was having a beach wedding, and I managed to pick up a pair of silver sandals with a flower made of silver leather set in the center of the foot. They have a Grecian look about them with a piece of leather winding around the toe and back to the flower and another piece that straps across the foot. I love them even though I was a little thrown off by walking in flats. I am accustomed to platforms high enough to facilitate cloudgazing.
The day of the wedding we drove by a group of bridesmaids heading into an old stone church. They were wearing sleeveless navy blue taffeta gowns that wound around their bodies from the bustline to just below the hip. The fabric tied in a gigantic bow at the center of the back. The fabric plastered horizontally across the stomach area and vertically along the thighs. The navy blue taffeta also shimmered. The unfortunate bridesmaids looked like a cross between electric eels and comforter covers. It was a tragic sight and it only reinforced the mercy of Erin, the low key bride, in letting everyone in her party choose their own dresses.
Charlie and I travelled up the New England coast from Monday through Thursday stopping off in Mystic, Connecticut and Salem, Massachusettes before heading to Portland, Maine. I am going to drop in this week with posts with tales from our vacation and the wedding. I promise some funny and poignant moments. I promise not to turn out the lights, fire up the projector, and make anyone watch vacation slides. I may actually do a Tarot post too now that I am home and feeling refreshed.
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| Wednesday, July 18th, 2007
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5:51 pm - I love it! (thieved from stellans)
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3:59 pm
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I miss all the lj folk.
I was sick for most of June with a very nasty urinary tract infection. I am not prone to them. The last one I had was three years ago (maybe four) and it lasted three days. This one lasted over two and a half weeks with active symptoms and then it took me a full week in addition for the residual exhaustion to abate since I wasn't able to sleep through the night while the symptoms were occurring. I still read Tarot for myself but I didn't have much energy to be writing posts. I think I spared you all in honesty. Every day I would ask the cards: What should I do for my health today? I would say the card that appeared for me the most was the Nine of Cups.
http://www.arnellart.com/tt-9-cup.htm
It was an interesting card thematically because it told me (repeatedly) that as long as I believed I would heal, and truly put my energy into that belief, I would. I honestly don't think I realized how sick I was until it was over. I was hovering on a scary edge for awhile there. Charlie at one point suggested (and not wrongfully) taking me to the ER. I can't explain it other than I knew if I rested and held on I would get better and I did.
I asked what I learned from the experience of being sick and I pulled the Page of Swords from the Victorian Romantic Tarot.
http://www.victorianromantic.com/Courts2.htm
I was certainly treading through an unfamiliar landscape as Pages often do. The typical optimism of the Page is a bit tempered here by the watchfulness of the swords suit. I did have to pay attention to my body and keep track of my feelings and symptoms to help heal myself. I also had to navigate between keeping a positive attitude and setting boundaries for myself and others without knowing day to day what those would be. My usual way of approaching life couldn't apply. I took refuge in quiet intellectual pursuits to not become too submerged in how I was feeling.
I read "The Golden Compass" by Philip Putnam. I have the next book in the series and I am itchy to read it. I became engrossed in a biography called "The Story of Chicago May" by Nuala O'Faolain about an young Irish woman at the turn of the last century who stole her family's money and sailed to America to become "The Queen of Crooks". It was fascinating to imagine life in this country 100 years ago as a thief and a prostitute and how the options for women were so limited that even such a harsh existence was more freeing than working in a factory, a farm or devoting a life to a husband and rearing children. While it's not a life I would want, I could see how easily someone could be swept into the movement of the period in history when choices during times of poverty had many unappealing elements and ramifications.
I am out today picking up birthday gifts for my nieces and am making myself at home in a coffee house. I'm watching the rain stream over the painted logo on the window. Good times.
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| Saturday, June 2nd, 2007
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12:56 pm - Update: with a little Tarot at first but mostly just me chatting with y'all
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I had an odd but lovely day yesterday. I decided to spend the day in Washington Square West/Center City. I had to complete some errands: pick up packages at the post office, make a cash deposit at the bank, buy some loose powder mineral eyeshadow, and locate a book that intrigued me, the author and title of which I couldn't remember but I knew what shelf it was on at Robin's Bookstore. It was dreadfully hot in Philly, about 90 degrees but amplified by asphalt and car exhaust. Charlie wanted me to wait until Monday, but I insisted for no particular reason other than I knew I should go. I asked the Tarot to decide. I pulled these cards Thursday night before bed.
Should I spend the day out of the house?
http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/tarottour5/tour64.html
Should I stay at home?
http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/tarottour3/tour44.html
Both would have been good options for different reasons. The Ace of Earth was offering me opportunity (which felt like the unexpected kind) as long as I kept myself open and receptive. The Nine of Fire would give me the option to get back to the recently neglected house and to do the work I would more greatly enjoy than what I had been engaged in a couple of months ago. More decorating, less scouring. The Nine told me that I would have to overcome certain objections to be integrated into the process and align with my passion; I would need to connect with the joy of process and recognize it wouldn't be drudgery, which at times despite my will and enthusiasm in the past it sure felt like it. I went for the Ace of Earth option.
When I opened my e-mail in the morning, the creator of the deck I used for this spread contacted me and asked me if I wanted to swap bottles of rare BPAL perfume. She is sending me a full bottle of Hunter Moon from 2004 which is so elusive as to be the scent equivalent of the Holy Grail. Before I checked my e-mail I had put on a perfume I bought from her on ebay in November. It's a summer scent with rose, grasses, and citrus that needed to exhumed from my stash and given some wrist time.
I decided to try out a new coffee shop I had never been to before that is a few blocks from the location of my beloved and officially moved out Village Coffee House. The guys had to have the place cleaned out by May 31st. I found the inside charming but lacking in art. There were clocks close to the ceiling set to cities all around the world. Although they were labeled, I found it a little disconcerting when I wanted to consult the time. It had a cozy neighborhood feel and it was very quiet in the morning hours. Around 10:30 a.m., I was preparing to leave, but I kept dallying to the point where I recognized that a part of me was in conflict with packing up my things. As I finally decided to stop lingering, a young woman I read Tarot for a year ago walked in the door and said she had just walked past the Village and was disappointed it was closed because she wanted to get in touch with and lost my contact information. She had been thinking about me all week and wanted to make an appointment and was heading to the coffeeshop where I was sitting to see if she could find me on-line. Go Ace of Earth!
I am so glad we were able to find each other again in such a way. I never lose my sense of awe for such moments of connection. I read for her right then and we were able to do some really deep work for which I am thankful. It made me consider a situation in my own past that was needless and challenging and return to my belief that some of my own darker experiences have been useful in helping me to assist others in healing.
After the reading, I found the book I had been looking for, "The Nature of Monsters" by Clare Clark, and as I pulled it from the shelf a friend who I hadn't seen in a few weeks appeared unexpectedly from around the corner and offered me a hug and an apology for behaving in a way I will describe in Platonic terms as "Crankiness Itself". As a King of Swords type, http://www.arnellart.com/tt-king-sword.htm, hugs and apology are not usual faire. I was pleased and receptive and I got to experience the element of surprise that doesn't often accord with my profession. Had I arrived five minutes later, he would have been leaving for NYC.
I walked to MAC on Walnut Street to buy some powdered eye shadow pigment and was bemused at what lay in front of my field of vision upon coming through the door. Everyone was dressed in black. The interior was lit for backstage at a runway fashion show and no fewer than five women were getting attentive make overs with their faces being layered in color like a painting. I couldn't help but consider how they would melt like rainbow sherbet upon exiting the store. I was dressed like a hippie in the brightest patchwork dress possible and had a hot pink scarf from India thrown over my shoulders to keep the sun off my skin. After walking five blocks in the humidity from the bookstore I could kindly describe my complexion as dewy. Had D.H. Lawrence stepped out of the late 1800s or turn of the last century to describe me, I'm sure "dewy" would have been uttered. I'm certain there would have been something about my heaving bosom too, but we'll leave that alone.
I was helped by a very enthusiastically aggressive young man who really believed in primer as if it were holy in his eyes. First he layered a colored primer in peach on my hand. It felt waxy, like lipstick. Then, he brushed the powder over it. I imagined the bright, pure color on my eyelids and thought of a drag show, and made a mental note to recommend the primer stick to a few acquaintances. He asked me if I were wearing foundation and I said, I put a drop on at 8 a.m. and haven't thought or worried about it since (it was 3:00 p.m.). My main concern was sunscreen. He gave me a stern, unwavering lecture about the use of primer before applying foundation. I thanked him for the information and bought the pigment alone. I didn't want to argue with him about why I would never use a primer. It takes me two years to go through a bottle of liquid foundation. I buy the best and use a drop. My skin is typically clear (and dewy), which is the look people apply foundation to achieve. When the weather is above 75 degrees, less or no make up is the most favorable way to proceed. I checked the pigment in direct sun. The round container looked more like a gold coin than a peach, which would work for my purposes. Go Ace of Earth!
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